Satire | Humor | Substack

It’s My 3rd Month on Substack & I’ve Already Made $72,480 Dollars

Here’s How You Can Too

3 min readMar 19, 2022


© Substack

Origin Story

My first three months on Substack have been a huge success. I never expected my earnings to grow so much, so fast. Time absolutely flies when everything you planned for is going so much better than you ever thought it would. I can’t believe we’re almost in April! I might reach half a million in earnings before the middle of the year. This blows my mind.

If you’ve read my previous stories, you’ll know that one in particular earned me an incredible amount of money on Medium — over a million dollars to be specific. That story alone blew up my Substack subscriptions to over 720 subscribers — paying me $100/month each!

When I first started this journey I was bracing for the worst, a couple of bucks here and there. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d be able to retire from the world by simply typing words to a bunch of people on the internet. Dear Internet, thank you for making this a reality.

I know these results aren’t the most incredible in the world, but I think it’s important to measure growth month over month. With my first month’s earnings of only $2,785 (I know, it’s modest), I’m thrilled to see the direction I’m headed towards just three months in. Hopefully my writing continues to improve and my earnings continue to grow.

The Blueprint

The question that’s probably burning at the top of your mind is, how the hell do I get people to pay $100 per month to read something? Well, you’re in luck. I thought about this same question for months until it hit me, the answer that is.

Meditation and mindfulness is huge these days, huge. So what did I do? I created an empty newsletter that subscribers would receive precisely at 7AM as a wake-up notification and with a subject line of, “Time to Medidate.

Then, when they click on the post, it takes them to a page on my substack feed that has a free nature photo from Unsplash and the following line:

“Dear Tim, this is your meditation guide speaking. Now’s the time to take control of your day. Wake up, open